It was sunny, it was beautiful, birds were singing, the gay may marry, I was proud to be the queer I am, nothing could possibly bring me down:
Or so I thought....
While at work today, I was talking to a customer about the Love is the Law party last night. which was about half a block away from my work location.
“It was crazy! People where everywhere and lines all over the place were out the door.” The customer behind her, who is a regular that is always telling me how much she respects me every day, scoffed.
“I went home before all of that chaos. It’s just gross to me! Why would someone want two mothers or two fathers?”
The first customer takes her beverage and looks at her “There’s nothing wrong with any of it, a family is a family.” then walks away.
My regular customer looks at me again. “Why would anyone want that for a child? It’s just weird! If I was a child I would ask to be adopted into a normal family!”
I couldn’t stand back and not say anything. I just couldn’t.
“That is really hurtful.” I blurt out.
“No it’s not! It’s weird! and gross!” She might as well of just slapped me in the face then and there. I suck in all my courage. The next words out of my mouth I try not to say to customers too often:
“You realize I’m gay right?”
She stopped and looked at me wide eyed. I know I looked like I was about to cry. I divert my eyes to finish making her beverage.
“Oh Mariah! I didn’t mean you.” She tried to defend herself, but I've heard it before.
I looked her straight in the eye.
“But you did. Thank you.” I hand her beverage off. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She doesn’t say a word. She takes her drink and walks away.
I go back to making the next drink and wiping off the counters. I’m trying my best to shake off what just happened.
The next drink is ready and I call it out the next customer. He comes up to get his drink from me.
“Thank you for telling her what she was saying was wrong Riah.” He says. “You are a strong girl. Some people will never change it’s true, but don’t let that get you down. Our world is getting one step closer each day and I’m glad you didn’t let her get away with what she said.”
“Thank you. I’ve dealt with enough discrimination. I’m done letting the world get away with it.”
“Keep it up kiddo. You’ll be just fine.”
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| Photo courtesy of Wipe Out Homophobia |
It had been a really long time since I have been confronted with true homophobia face to face. I believe the last time had to of been back in high school. I've purposefully surrounded myself with liberal, open minded, loving, accepting people. I live in a city that is supportive of the LBGTQIA community and I really forgot for a while there that no matter how small or insignificant- Homophobia hurts real people. Every. Single. Day.
What I experienced hurt me deeply that day. I felt like I was less of a person, who I am in invalid to who I love, my relationships are insignificant, that if I ever choose to have a family it will be dysfunctional.
And that was nothing.
I've had friends get kicked out of their homes, slammed into lockers, beat up in the street, raped, and spat at all for one reason.
Because they were queer.
Yes we are taking steps to equality little by little. Just because Same sex marriage will be legalized does not mean that homophobia will be put to an end.
Racism didn't end because of desegregation. Homophobia won't end with same sex marriage.
This is going to be a really long process. It's going to take time.
We can't stop fighting this.
There are many ways we can combat Homophobia (as well and biphobia, transphobia, and other phobias and just translate to bullying)
1. Stop using homophobic language casually.
I know you want to try and say that it doesn't hurt anybody but it does. I honestly consider words like faggot, dyke, and phrases like "that's so gay" in the same category as the "n" word.
Check out this nifty site here. It counts how many times on twitter people are using homophobic language. The numbers are disgusting. Don't be one of these people.
2. Call people out for being homophobic
Yeah, I actually mean shame people for their homophobia and bullying. Tell people in charge what's happening. Stand up for victims if you see one, and don't let yourself be a victim by letting the words that hurt you just drift by. If we do nothing, that homophobia will never end
3. Become an ally!
If you aren't a part of the LBGTQIA community in your identity, you can still be a part of the community as an ally! Learn what people of these communities have to go through. Learn their stories. You'll better understand why it's so important to fight homophobia.
Homophobia is more than just mean: it's a weapon that has the potential to even kill those we love.
- Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death among young people ages 10 to 24 and accounts for 12.2% of the deaths every year in that age group. (2009, CDC, “10 Leading Causes of Death by Age Group – United States, 2009”)
- LGB youth are 4 times more likely, and questioning youth are 3 times more likely, to attempt suicide as their straight peers. (2011, CDC, “Sexual Identity, Sex of Sexual Contacts, and Health-Risk Behaviors Among Students in Grades 9-12: Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance”)
- Suicide attempts by LGB youth and questioning youth are 4 to 6 times more likely to result in injury, poisoning, or overdose that requires treatment from a doctor or nurse, compared to their straight peers. (2011, CDC, “Sexual Identity, Sex of Sexual Contacts, and Health-Risk Behaviors Among Students in Grades 9-12: Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance”)
- Nearly half of young transgender people have seriously thought about taking their lives, and one quarter report having made a suicide attempt. (2007, Suicide and Life-Threatening Behaviors, Grossman, D’Augelli, “Transgender Youth and Life-Threatening Behaviors”)
- LGB youth who come from highly rejecting families are 8.4 times as likely to have attempted suicide as LGB peers who reported no or low levels of family rejection. (2009, Family Acceptance Project™ “Family rejection as a predictor of negative health outcomes in white and Latino lesbian, gay, and bisexual young adults”)
- 1 out of 6 students nationwide (grades 9-12) seriously considered suicide in the past year. (2011, CDC, “Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance – United States, 2011”)
- Suicide attempts are nearly two times higher among Black and Hispanic youth than White youth. (2011, CDC, “Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance – United States, 2011”)
- Each episode of LGBT victimization, such as physical or verbal harassment or abuse, increases the likelihood of self-harming behavior by 2.5 times on average. (2010, American Journal of Public Health, “Mental health disorders, psychological distress, and suicidality in a diverse sample of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youths”)
Recently this video was circulating through my newsfeed on Facebook which highlighted just how dangerous bullying can be.
Also- as a reminder for anyone that doesn't know:
Spread the word and TOGETHER we will end Homophobia little by little.
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